I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
