Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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