sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
