She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
