Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize