I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
