She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
