upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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