I cannot find my penis.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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