I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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