I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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