Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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