Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize