i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
