four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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