I think I died a long time ago.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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