So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
