My Higher Power is John Stamos
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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