he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
