make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
