I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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