I will die if light touches me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
