We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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