Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
