I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
