According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, beer. Big fan.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
