guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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