Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
