i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
