How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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