You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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