whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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