do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
