so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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