You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
