just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
