you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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