k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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