thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize