Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
