dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
