even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize