I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The Olympian is in my bed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
