happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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