if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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