I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
