As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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