Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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