If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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