I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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