you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
