I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
