yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
