just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone signed my nipple.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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