My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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