I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
