YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hate all girls vehemently.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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