Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
