the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
