If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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