Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
