someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
