Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
