so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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