1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
