You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to calm my uterus...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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