Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
