Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
