I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
