eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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