There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
