The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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