I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
