i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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