at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
