while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize