he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize