He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
